She Comes Home is a journey of returning to your body, discovering what you desire, and giving voice to what is true. Hosted by poet and VITA™ Embodiment & Intimacy Coach Amy Reid - this podcast is here to help you become more embodied, more expressed, and more sovereign - moving from performance to presence, from hiding to authentic expression, and from seeking approval to self-trust. Through honest conversations, embodied reflections and poetry - you’ll learn to trust your body, own your desires, and live more fully yourself - in love, intimacy, creativity, and life. Your body is poetry. Let it speak. New episodes weekly Thursdays.
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I share my real pattern of chasing external validation, spiralling into self-judgement, and then pulling back from creativity and relationship. I talk through the practical shifts that help me come back to internal connection, so I can speak up, create, and stay present even when feedback is slow or messy.
• noticing how fear of judgement is often self-judgement • the creativity cycle of excitement, feedback, crash, cancellation • how the same pattern shows up in dating and intimacy • shifting your state through movement to interrupt the spiral • changing focus towards celebration, gratitude, and what you can control • reconnecting to your why so your voice stays steady • focusing on the other person to reduce anxiety and self-consciousness • why slow growth builds the deepest roots • asking what emotion you are truly seeking and creating it within yourself
Disclaimer: This podcast shares personal experience, reflections, and educational content. It is not therapy, medical advice, or a substitute for professional support. Please seek appropriate guidance for your individual needs.
Welcome to She Comes Home, a space for women on a journey home to their heart and belonging in their body. For women ready to speak up in the bedroom and beyond to express their desires, voice and art and be the creative director of their life. Through honest conversations, self-expression and embodied practices, we explore the connection between human intimacy and human creativity. Hosted by me, Amy Reed, a certified love and intimacy coach, spoken word poet, and podcast host. New episodes are every Monday and Thursday. Thank you so much for listening and welcome home. Hello, welcome, welcome, welcome to this episode.
So I'm going to share something on this episode that's really true for me, that's something that I genuinely really struggle with. I am definitely getting better at this. This is a continued growth journey for me. And what that is, is shifting from external validation to internal connection and connection with you, the listener, the audience, whoever's receiving. And how that has helped me to remove 99% of self-judgment and anxiety. And I say 99% for a reason because I believe there's always going to be that 1% of anxiety when, especially when you put yourself out there in relationship, you have the whole conversation, you say the thing, you express your desire, you express a vulnerability, or you put yourself out there creatively. There's always going to be that anxiety, which I feel is part of life, it's normal. But what I'm talking about is when we get held back from putting ourselves out there, speaking up in relationships, saying the thing, putting ourselves out there creatively, creating the thing, doing the thing that we really want to do, but we don't because of this fear of judgment from others. When actually, in my experience, on a deep, deep reflection and self-responsibility journey of this is actually my own self-judgment, right? When we receive judgment from others, it's actually like what we're making it mean rather than actually what they're saying. And that that doesn't don't get me wrong, it does really hurt when you know someone judges your creativity, your art that you've poured your heart into, or you know, you say something relationship and it's not and it's received with criticism or even abandonment, all right? Like that does hurt, not taking that away, but ultimately what hurts the most is the story that we are telling ourselves around what that means about our own self-worth and how loved we are, right? And the truth is you are loved, right? You are loved, I am loved, we are all
loved. So in the past, I have created podcasts, as you know, that I've cancelled because and lots of I went into a cycle. This was a deep, deep cycle that was very difficult to get myself out of a cycle of creating something, putting it out there, but being really excited to have any idea, right? I get multiple creative ideas daily, like it's insane. Have any idea, take any action to actually do it and put it out there, pour in your heart and soul into it. Because, as you know, like if you're a creative and like me, and you know, it takes a lot, and if you're you know, in an intimate relationship as well, that's a I I believe intimate, you know, everything is an act of creativity, in my view. It takes a lot to put yourself out there and speak up, especially if you know you've we are trained to be silent in our relationships, you know, and like just go just go with it. If that's you know, if that's your past experience, it definitely was for me. Like it's it's it's it's a cycle that it can go down that I got excited that so I got excited, and then and this happened again like in my relationship as well. But let's just focus on creativity for now. The podcast is a really tangible, tangible example. Excited about the idea, pour my heart and soul into it, created it, put it out there, received either nothing, crickets, or fee and or feedback that is of criticism or judgment, or even not even either of those things, but people not understanding what I'm putting out there, and instead, instead of commenting on like what I'm actually saying, they go, Oh, nice hair, nice hair, or oh great top. And don't we get me wrong? I'd love a compliment about my hair and what I'm wearing. But like, hey, uh, you know, did did you get what I'm resonate with what I'm saying? Like the whole point in this message, you know, I'm not here just to look pretty, and that hurts as well, and then so I just go down a cycle, and then in my mind of like, well, what's the point? Like, no one's getting it anyway. I'm just gonna be misunderstood, I'm just gonna be like judged, like I'm just creating this unnecessary pressure and criticism, like from creating this, and then and then I go, and then it goes into well, I'm not actually even enjoying this process anymore of creating, so like why would I continue it? Cancel podcast. Do you recognize yourself in that at any point? You know, like I said, it could be creatively or it could be a relationship. This reflected in my relationship as well.
Realize I want a relationship, okay. Put my heart and soul into going out on a date. Put yourself out there, because that can be scary. Okay. Meeting a random stranger. Okay, going out on a date. Oh, I we have a connection. I'm excited about the date. Excellent. And then time passes by, we go on a few dates. I then express more of myself. I open up my heart, I become more vulnerable. I express what I really want in relationship, in intimacy, my desires. It's met with criticism, self-judgment, or abandonment. Oh, oh no, I don't want relationship. I don't want a relationship like this. Oh no, I'm oh is what I want valid? Am I am I lovable? Am I enough? Oh no, I I'm gonna retreat back and just head back into my bed and eat Bourbon biscuits for the rest of my life. Do you recognize yourself in that? Anyone? That's my story, guys. That is my story. True story.
So, how do we get ourselves out of this cycle? Well, I firstly, number one, shift to what I can control. Shift one, shift my state, right? Meaning like get up and move. Like movement itself is so powerful. Change my state, because like I'm not changing anything unless I change up the state. Number two, change what I'm focusing on, you know, rather than those two examples, right? Rather than in that dark spiral of being like, Well, what's the point of creating a podcast? I'm never going out on a date again. Flip that round to hey, I created a podcast and I put it out there multiple times. Goomi, celebrate that, celebrate that you put yourself out there, and that is amazing. Same with the date. I went on a date with a complete stranger. That could have gone really, really bad. That's a big thing. Celebration. Celebration. So changing your focus to what you can control, what you can control with your thoughts and your own state, right? Change your state into one of celebration and gratitude and joy. Oh, we get to do that. Yeah, I get to go on a day, I get to be in this world where I can sit here and create a podcast and put my voice out there. What a miracle! And I'm not gonna die, even though sometimes my body feels like I'm gonna die, like I'm not gonna die. Right? That's a celebration. And side note celebration is how I start all my coaching sessions.
If you're interested in love and intimacy coaching, to experience deeper love and intimacy in your relationships or in your dates in life, and embody your true creative potential, creativity, harness your creativity, put yourself out there, put your creative expression out there, your sex in your sexual expression. Message me because I'm offering limited donation one-to-one coaching spaces right now as part of my two-year vita certification in sex love relationships. Let me know. Celebration is where is how all those coaching sessions start because it focuses on what you are already doing, and that I can guarantee you that what you are already doing is enough, but even deeper than that, who you are is enough. You don't actually need to do more to prove anything to get any external validation. Who you are is enough, right? So shift your focus, right? And also, number three, so number one, change your state. Number two, shift your focus. Number three, number three, I'm making these off as I go along, by the way. I don't have these written down, so hence the the pause and improvisation of this. Number three, focus on your why.
Focus on why and you are doing what you're doing and your commitment to it, right? In creativity, why am I doing this? Ultimately, I'm doing this to create a space for my voice and honor my own voice, and I'm doing it to connect. I'm doing it to connect to my own inner voice and inspire you and activate you as a listener to also do the same in your own unique way. Right? Connection is why I'm doing this. Connect to your why in relationship. Yes, it also may be about connection. You want to connect your partner, focus on that. And then number four, just to kind of that this this number four extends from number three. Number four, focus on the other person, right? We tend, and I've definitely done this myself, like no shame. We tend to focus so much on ourselves, and actually, we just moved ourselves out of the way and got got out of our own way and focused on our why and like the other person, then we wouldn't feel so anxious and scared of self-judgment and validation, right? Like, I do my best in these podcasts to focus on you as a listener. Yes, I'm sitting here sharing my story and things, but ultimately in the end, I want this is about you. I share my story simply to see if you see yourself in your in my story, and if you don't, you don't. That's completely okay. You you know, we're all unique human beings, but you may resonate with some parts of the story, you may not. You may resonate with different parts, and that's and that's the purpose. I'm always doing my best to think about you. What do you need to hear? What do you want? What are your desires in your life? What are you struggling with? How can I share that? Share my own story so authentically and honestly then be like, yes, me too. Me too. This is what's helped me get through that and helped me to do X, Y, and Z, and be really genuine and honest, and I'm still learning to do this as well.
Like, you know, as this podcast expands, and as I, you know, continue to put myself out there, like it will grow, you know, and that's another thing just related to podcasting as well, is that podcast growth is slow, like there's no there's no going about it unless you're unless you're a celebrity, you know, and you're really well, you have or you have like a really really high social media following, your podcast is not gonna get that many downloads. Like this podcast, I'll be really real with you, has got 40 downloads since it's been published. That's overall. Overall, it's got 40 downloads, right? And that's been what this is the third, like this is the fourth week, I think. Yeah, no, by the time this podcast, this episode gets released, actually, this will be the fifth week, yeah. So I mean I I am recording this two weeks in advance, but anyway, going off side tangent. The point is is that not just podcast growth is slow, but our growth is slow. And I've I've said this on a previous episode. It's the slow growth that will that has the deepest roots. It's the slow growth that has the deepest roots. Slow growth is what will last. So if you don't get the feedback that you are wanted straight away, especially when it comes with your to your creativity, you're not getting that external validation, then it's okay. One, trust that you know, you're at the beginning stage, so people may not get it, they may need to hear you multiple times, and two, your external external validation at the end of the day is not gonna make you happier, it's not gonna make you you think it is. You think like you try you actually really genuinely feel in your body, let me know if this is you as well, because this is me. You actually genuinely feel in your body that no, no, Amy, like this is gonna make me happy. This is really like if I if someone, you know, tells me that what I'm creating and is is like it's really really connected with them, and you know, it's really transformed their life. Or you know, if I have someone in the crowd like quoting my my poetry lyrics, I don't know, I'm just bringing that example in because of doing spoken well poetry, like I will be happier. You may honestly like really feel that, and yes, you may be, you may feel happier for a short period of time, but it won't last. That's not external validation, it's not what creates lasting happiness. It's the validation that we give ourselves and actually the the real the truth that that we are the only ones that can truly really validate ourselves, you know. So, and moving that shifting from external validation to internal connection, connecting to myself and then connecting to the listener has really helped me to remove 99% of self-judgment and anxiety I have around the creative process and put myself out there in relationship.
So, and invite you to reflect on what areas of your life are you seeking external validation? Connect to your why and what emotion are you really desiring from a relationship, from something you want to create, from putting yourself out there, really root into that? What emotion are you wanting to experience? All right, is it gratitude, love, safety, acceptance, peace, whatever it is? How can you create that for yourself now and then create from that place? Express your desire, express your truth in relationship from that place of that emotional state, and see what happens. Talk to you in it, talk to you in the next episode. Thank you so much for listening.
